Grasping Water
by phayte1978
Summary: Haru and Rin are selfish- how long will they continue their relationship as they watch their loved ones fall apart from it all? (Please note this an open relationship fic, not an infidelity)


It was always all heat and teeth- the growls, the intensity. This is what drew Haru to Rin. Two magnets that couldn't stay away from one another, but never together for long.

There was something about Rin that pulled emotions out of him he did not know he had- overwhelming him, slamming into him. It was as if Haru was hanging on for dear life. Grasping out for something he could never hang onto for long periods of time. Even as his legs wrapped around Rin's waist, his ankles crossing to hold steady, it wouldn't last. Not with Rin.

Skin slamming, slapping against each other, echoing around the room. Haru cried out, his hands grabbing at the blanket under them. Fucking on a bottom bunk limited their movements. Rin held him tightly as his hips continued to slam down into him. Teeth in his shoulder, biting down, letting Haru knew Rin was getting close.

"Fuck!" Rin growled out, his hips losing their rhythm.

Haru was close, he knew Rin wanted him to cum first, almost like a damn race. Everything was a damn competition to him. Another slam on his prostate had him crying out again. Hands wrapping around his cock, pumping out of sync to the hips slamming into him.

His body was covered completely, he was submerged by everything that was Rin. The smell of him, his bed, his room. It engulfed him, took him over.

"Rin!" he moaned out, trying to hold onto the last bit of sanity he had. It was no use, it was never any use with Rin. All sanity was thrown out the window, his mind not even his anymore. It all belonged to Rin.

"Cum," Rin growled in his ear.

Always commanding him, always pushing him. Arching up, his body becoming more at one with Rin. His body started to shake, the more Rin pumped his cock. Moaning out, he was silenced with Rin's mouth.

Another slam on his prostate, a stroke on his cock and the tongue dominating his mouth- Haru saw stars as he came. Rin never stopped kissing him and he felt dizzy, as if he was having an out of body experience. Only when Rin's body started to shake and tremble, he pulled off Haru's mouth, panting heavily on his neck, holding him tight.

This is what everyone called an afterglow. It was moments like this Haru let his guard down. His arms wrapping around Rin's back, keeping them in this moment- in this time.

"Fuck… I think I left a mark," Rin said, kissing at his sweaty neck.

Haru sighed, he hated marks on him. Made him feel like someone was marking their damn property or something.

"My shoulder?"

"Yeah."

"Dammit."

Rin laughed and pulled out of him, rolling over on the bed. Haru could feel the cum slipping out his ass and went to go clean up, but Rin grabbed his wrist, pulling him back.

"You always run off so fast."

As tough as Rin tried to make himself out to be, he was soft in the afterglow. The way his hands ran down his back, tracing along the muscles in his back. Haru didn't like this part. It was too intimate, too… _not them._

He felt uncomfortable as more cum slipped out of him.

"If you want to cuddle, then pull out next time," Haru said, lifting off Rin, moving behind the bunks to grab a wipe and towel to clean off. He hated they didn't have a joined bathroom, and hell if he was walking down the hallway to wash his ass.

Rin laughed again, splayed out on his bunk, not caring how naked he still was.

Grabbing for his swimsuit, he heard another sigh from Rin.

"What?"

"I already said it… you run off too fast."

Dropping his suit, Haru sighed again and walked back over to the bed. All he wanted was a bath and to curl up in his own bed.

Though the smile on Rin's face was worth it once he climbed back into the bed. They never really talked in moments like this- it was more Rin holding him, running his hands down his body.

"When is Sousuke back?"

"He is down at the gym, he won't be back for another hour or so."

"Might want to air out the room and change your blanket," Haru said, tapping at Rin shoulders. He had cuddled long enough.

Rin was already pouting. Kissing him quickly, Haru got up to get dressed. This time he was going home.

* * *

His home was quiet. He liked that. Familiar smells and sounds. The click of the air conditioning as he stepped into the kitchen, getting ready to prepare tea.

He could still smell Rin on him, still feel him on him. The weight of his body pressed deeply on his. Rubbing at his shoulder, he could still feel where Rin had bitten him. A damn mark. They had swim practice the next afternoon, and he sure as hell couldn't swim in his shirt.

Shaking his head, Haru drank his tea and went to fill a bath. The last thing he needed was to go to bed with Rin's scent on him.

He had already marked him, he didn't him scenting him too.

* * *

"Haru!" Makoto called out, waving and smiling at him as he walked into the kitchen. Arms around him, a kiss on the neck.

"You're here early."

"You are actually up on time for once."

Nodding, Haru finished cooking his lunch and went to box it up. Makoto grabbed his tea cup and finished off the last of it. It was their usual morning routine the last few months- well the mornings that Makoto wasn't staying with him.

Fingers tracing his shoulder, Haru looked up, meeting Makoto's eyes. "You were with him last night."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

Haru never hid what he did, but he also did not broadcast it. Makoto was always there for him, they just fell into each other. Every step, movement- it was like his shadow. Haru liked it that way too. Makoto was familiar, reliable- his best of the best.

"I'm going to go get dressed," Haru said, stepping up to his toes, kissing Makoto quickly before untying his apron and leaving out the room.

Why didn't he cover that mark? Sure, Makoto would see it at practice, but it was something he was not ready to deal with. Staring in the mirror, he traced the mark with his fingers- he remembered last night, the teeth in his shoulder. How it burned and ripped through his body.

Closing his eyes, it was almost as if he could feel Rin on him again.

It was arms wrapping around his waist that startled him. Makoto was kissing him neck, holding him tightly.

"We can skip morning classes," Makoto grumbled in his ear, pulling him to his bed.

He almost wanted to argue that Makoto was never the type to offer to skip classes, but he also knew that Makoto needed this- _needed him._ Turning, Haru wrapped his arms around Makoto's waist, meeting his mouth with his own. He was sore from last night, but he knew turning Makoto away right now wouldn't be good.

Large hands trailed down his back. Makoto was so massive against him, practically swallowing him. The way he was bent over, cradling the back of his head with one hand, the other splayed on his lower back. Makoto moaned into his mouth, he could feel the wetness on his face as they kissed. It tore at him how passionate Makoto was. He knew his encounters with Rin broke Makoto, but he could never stop himself.

He was being gently pushed onto his bed, Makoto releasing his mouth, covering his body with his own, kissing at his neck. Haru moaned out, grabbing at Makoto's school shirt, pulling it, wanting to feel his skin next to his. If he could rip the buttons off of his shirt he could.

Wet, open mouth kisses down his neck, it was how Makoto was- he worshiped Haru. It wasn't like how Rin was. Rin was always telling him to eat more and add more muscle, but not Makoto- he believed Haru was perfect. No matter how many times he went to Rin, Makoto was always still there. It ate at him a bit, almost wanting Makoto demand him to stop, though he knew he never would.

The way his mouth moved over his neck, kissing and gently biting, Haru was trying all he could to get that damn shirt of Makoto's unbuttoned. He heard Makoto chuckle, then latch tightly onto his neck. Haru yelled out, trying to kick Makoto off of him, but there was no use. Makoto was sucking hard on his neck a few more moments before smacking his lips off of him and staring down.

"You marked me."

Again, not a question, a statement.

It was pointless to bitch about it, he was sporting a mark already- but hell if this was going to become a pissing war between Rin and Makoto. Before he could think more on it, Makoto was taking his shirt off and covering his body again, kissing away all annoyance.

They were so different, bringing out different sides of him. With Rin it was all carnal and raw. With Makoto it was sweet and passionate. They were both oil and vinegar- never mixing properly.

It was selfish and cruel of Haru to do this, but something inside of him pulled him to _both_ of them. He loved Makoto like he loved the water- always welcoming him, always surrounding him. He loved Rin the way he loved the ocean- fierce and uncontrolling.

It did not take long for Makoto to get his clothes off, and his. Haru gasping with every press of Makoto's body pressed to his, their cocks rubbing making his insides turn. _He wanted Makoto_.

It was gluttonous of him, having been with Rin the night before- but the way Makoto's eyes shone with the fresh tears, he had to let him know he loved him. Just being there for him would not work… at least not today.

Makoto's hand quickly worked down his body, stretching him out a little more- though Haru felt the hesitation when his finger first breached him. "Please," Haru whispered in his ear.

A moan and Makoto's mouth pressed back to his, open and all tongue. It wasn't an intense fire between them- it was a slow hot flame that built intensity. Haru felt his body coming alive under the bulk of Makoto, his fingers working him- spreading him.

Pushing Makoto back and off of him, Haru climbed over his lap, bent down kissing him deeply, allowing his hips to toy and tease Makoto. Fingers sinking into his thighs as the grip grew firmer, Haru moaned and grabbed for Makoto's cock- hard and massive in his hands.

It was always a struggle when they were positioned like this- but he knew Makoto loved looking up at him- his eyes swimming with love and admiration of him. Even after last night, he had to slowly work Makoto in him, breathing heavy, feeling his body stretch beyond what it should.

Makoto was perfect. In body and soul. Haru knew this, and once he was fully seated, he sat up, looking down as the tears fell from Makoto's eyes, wiping them with his thumb.

"Haru!" Makoto cried out.

Haru rolled his hips, feeling Makoto deep inside of him. Opening his thighs more, he slowly started to move up and down, taking in every sensation that Makoto had to give him. A steady rhythm and Haru moaned when he felt Makoto's cock hit him _right there_. Crying out, he quickened his pace, that feeling of euphoria washing over him with each downward motion. Makoto chanting his name, his hands on his hips, fingers gripping him hard enough to leave even more marks.

There was something enchanting in the way Makoto would look up at him, eyes glassy, his mouth partly opening and gasping his name. He knew he was playing a explosive game, one detrimental to them all.

But Haru was addicted to them both. Loved them both differently.

* * *

"Nice mark," Sousuke said as he walked by Haru, his shoulder bumping into him, he was sure not by accident.

"Which one?" Haru asked back, opening the locker, grabbing his cap and goggles. He was not up for Sousuke's games today—and he knew as much Makoto hated what him and Rin did—so did Sousuke.

Sousuke slammed his hand into his locker. "I _know_ that bite mark."

Haru looked at his shoulder then shrugged.

"You aren't even going to say anything?"

"What do you want me to say?"

Sousuke walked over where Haru was and placed his hand on the locker right by his head. Haru stared into his eyes, determine not to break contact. It wasn't that they hid this shit, why was Sousuke being sensitive about it?

"You are one selfish son of a bitch."

"It takes two to tango," Haru said, never breaking eye contact.

Sousuke slammed his fist back into the locker. "You just can't be content, can you? You have a perfectly wonderful man who would lay his life down for you… no… you are always there… always in the way!"

Sousuke backed from Haru and sat on the bench, holding his head in his hands. This was the part Haru hated. Maybe he was selfish, maybe he was being an ass. Sousuke looked up at him, his eyes shining with tears, "I can never compete with you. In the back of my mind I know Rin would run to you if you asked him too."

"You know that is not true," Haru said.

"You sure about that?"

Haru could only stare at the man sitting below him, looking up to him as if he had all the answers.

"Rin worships you! Can't you see that? Makoto… and Rin… You have them both wrapped around your finger. Open those pretty blue eyes and just look!"

"I thought Rin told you how this all works," Haru said, turning and closing his locker. "Maybe you should talk with him."

Haru hated this. Sousuke was in deeper than he should be, and somehow they were all going to drown.

* * *

"Do you think I'm selfish?" Haru asked.

"Selfish in what ways?" Rin questioned.

They had done a joint practiced- Haru stayed back to practice more, but mostly to see Rin. They sat on the edge of the pool, their legs dangling in the water.

"You know what I mean," he sighed out, laying back and putting his hands behind his head.

He had thought a lot the past few days- hell to be honest, the past few months since all this started. His life was so much easier till they all got… _involved._ Haru remembered when his biggest worry was wondering when he would swim next. Now… now it was so much more.

Was this a part of growing up? Having problems? Breaking hearts?

Haru wanted nothing to do with all this.

"So I heard Sousuke talked to you," Rin said, lay down with him, bumping his elbow with his.

"Yeah."

"You ok?"

"I should be more upset, I know this… but…" Haru didn't know how to explain it.

"Hey, you don't have to explain to me!" Rin laughed out. "Sousuke can be a bit intense and territorial… I know this."

"Makoto doesn't do that."

"Yes he does," Rin grumbled.

Haru sat up and looked down where Rin was laying, their eyes meeting and Haru was puzzled. Since when did Makoto… stand up for himself? He felt bad for thinking that, but it was true.

Rin sighed and turned his head away. "Yeah… made me feel… bad."

"What did he say?" Haru asked.

"He didn't say much, just gave me those puppy dogs eyes and asked me how could I live with myself," Rin quietly said.

"Ouch," Haru said, rolling back to his back, staring up at the ceiling. "Maybe we should… you know…"

"What the hell?" Rin asked, sitting up and glaring down at him. "They knew about this shit when we… well when ever all _this_ started!"

"Yeah but… all we are doing is hurting them."

"We were fooling around long before…"

"Reason it however you want, Rin…" Haru sighed out, "We are nothing but shitty people for doing this.

"Maybe," Rin said smirking down at him. "But didn't you say in a few years we would be ordinary?"

"Yeah so?"

"Let's not start now," Rin said, leaning down, pressing his mouth to Haru's.

Instinctively his hands wrapped around Rin's shoulders, their tongues sliding against each other- battling for dominance. Rin's hand on his chest holding him down, Haru tried to arch his back, but he couldn't- Rin was stronger than he was.

Growling into the kiss, Haru squirmed till Rin's hand left from his chest, and slowly worked down his body, peeling his swimsuit down. Gasping as they pulled from the kiss, Haru quickly worked pulling down Rin's suit. Their cocks were hard, their hands were fast, and their mouths hungry.

They weren't kissing, their lips touching as they breathed heavily, hands moving up and down on the other's shaft. Haru felt himself whimpering, eyes closing as Rin gripped him so tight, pulling his foreskin up and over his cock head then tugging it back down- it was driving him crazy.

"Rin!" Haru moaned out, his free hand clutching to Rin, pulling their chest almost touching, arms pumping quickly between them. Precum quickly coating Rin's hands, the echoes of their skin slapping ringing all around them. Another cry out, and Haru felt his body tense up, the heat that Rin had built up boiling over- his cock releasing all over Rin's hand. His chest heaving, he pumped at Rin's cock a few more times, feeling it pulse and tighten in his hands. Gripping a bit tighter, he heard the familiar grunt from Rin before his tongue was taking over his mouth again, Rin cumming on his hands and stomach.

When they pulled back, Haru was gasping for air, Rin groaning as he rolled back to the concrete. Their cocks softening against their bodies- Rin reached for a towel to clean himself off then passed to Haru.

"You know we can't keep this up," Rin said, not looking at Haru.

"Says the guy who just jerked me off," Haru grumbled, pulling his swimsuit back up. "Now your tone changes." Wasn't he just saying all this? Now Rin was thinking it too. They were horrible for thinking they have it all. It was hurting the ones they loved most- but also each other. Haru had deep feelings for Rin, always had, but that didn't lessen how he felt for Makoto either.

"Shut up!" Rin said, kicking playfully at his leg. "But seriously… Sousuke is getting pissier and pissier each day."

"Yeah… can you believe Makoto actually skipped classes to stay home with me?" Haru said, turning on his side to stare at Rin.

"We are fucking selfish… aren't we?" Rin said, taking Haru's hands in his, lacing their fingers together.

"That was what I asked you earlier…" Haru stated as he nodded in agreement- selfish was a word he often used to describe himself lately.

* * *

"Nanase! Please answer the question I just asked!" his teacher called out.

Shaking his head, Haru was in a trance. He was thinking over everything from the last few days… weeks really, if he was being honest with himself. He had been so out of it, he had no idea what the teacher wanted.

"Um… Can you repeat the question please?" Haru asked.

"Please just stay after class," the teacher said before turning back to the board.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Haru folded himself over his desk, bobbing his pencil back and forth.

He had to let Rin go- that was all he could figure out. Even when he turned to look over at Makoto, he got a smile from him in return- _he always got a smile._ Though Haru could almost hear his heart breaking.

It was wrong, it was selfish.

He needed to fix this.

That is after- he stayed after class.

He ran into Nagisa as he was headed out of the class.

"Hey," Haru called out, "Let everyone know I won't be at practice today."

"Huh?" Nagisa asked, giving him a questioning look.

"It is nothing to worry about, just… I have to go do something."

Stopping by his locker to grab his shoes, he headed out to the nearest bus stop, texting Rin and letting him know he was on his way.

* * *

He ran into Sousuke as he walked the hallway to Rin's dorm room.

"You know this is off limits to you," Sousuke said, slamming his shoulder into Haru's.

Haru didn't say anything other than nod his head- but kept walking. He knew Sousuke had stopped and watched him walking- and he could even feel the sweat build up on his lower back.

"Just this last time Nanase," Sousuke called out after him. "After that-"

"-there won't be another time," Haru said over his shoulder, opening the door to Rin's room.

"Two days in a row huh?" Rin said, climbing off his bed, pinning Haru to the wall.

"Rin… we need to talk," Haru said.

A heavy sigh and Rin held his gaze. "Don't."

"We have too."

"I'm serious!" Rin said, punching the wall by his head, making him flinch a bit. "Don't!"

Before he knew it, Rin's mouth was over taking his, his body was pressed between the wall and Rin. He could feel tears on Rin's face as they kissed. They had to stop this- as much as he wanted to hold onto Rin, he was like water- you can never hold it, you have to just be with it.

Wrapping his arms around Rin, Haru held him tight, feeling his own tears mix. If he could just hold on a little bit longer… another moment.

"Rin," he breathed out when their mouths separated, pressing their foreheads together. "You have a good guy… and so do I."

"But… but…"

"We are never meant to be," Haru whispered.

"We can make it work!" Rin cried out.

"All we are doing is hurting is Makoto and Sousuke."

Rin choked out another cry, his hand in his hair, pulling his head to his neck, holding him as tight as he could. His season with Rin needed to end- change and fall like the flowers on the sakura trees.

When Rin let him go, Haru stayed against the wall, needing it to hold him up. A few deep breaths and he felt his knees shake. Even as he looked at Rin, watching him break down, he knew what he was doing was for the best.

Once his knees stopped shaking, he gave a last look to Rin, then left the room. Wiping tears from his eyes, he saw Sousuke leaning against the wall across from the room.

"He needs you," Haru said, never looking at Sousuke, willing his feet to move- one in front of the other.

The last thing he heard was the garbled cry coming from Rin as Sousuke opened the door and stepped into their room.

* * *

Haru needed to be alone. He almost felt like texting Makoto, but instead, curled up in his bed and found sleep easier than he thought. His chest hurt, from hurting so many people. He did not deserve someone like Makoto.

Dreams riddled with times past- his romances being hurled at him by his subconscious. What an evil game his own mind played on him.

It was middle of the night when Haru woke up, gasping for air, tears wet on his face. His room was dark, but he heard soft breathing coming from the corner. Rubbing his eyes, he saw Makoto sitting against the wall- his arms crossed.

His heart was still racing from the dream he had when he approached Makoto. He couldn't help but notice how peaceful and calm he looked. Haru felt himself smile for the first time that day. His heart was heavy for what he had ended, but he also knew it would be easier now. Makoto was where his future laid. Shaking his shoulder gently, Makoto slowly opened his eyes and looked up at him.

"Haru-chan," Makoto whispered.

"I told you to stop calling me chan," Haru said, taking Makoto's hand, pulling him to the bed.

He fit easily next to Makoto, finding he liked cuddling with him. He was always so warm and so welcoming. Curling around him, Haru laid his head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. He could feel Makoto's hands in his hair, playing gently with it.

"I ended it with Rin," Haru whispered.

"I know," Makoto said, "Sousuke texted me."

"So that is why-"

"-Yes, that is why I came over… but you were already asleep," Makoto said, kissing the top of his head.

Haru sighed and wrapped his arms around Makoto. He really did not deserve someone so perfect- but he also couldn't imagine his life without him.


End file.
